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The GEEZER in the FREEZE
There's a geezer in our freezer and he's shiverin' fit to die, with his feet upon a rump roast and his elbow in a pie !
May someone put him in there just to keep him for a while, but it gives me crawly creepies cause he's frozen with a smile.
I was huntin' for some ice cream and I knew we had a stash right betwixt the Christmas turkey and the frozen corned-beef hash.
As I rummaged in that icebox I was taken with a chill, cause I sensed two eyes upon me and I felt an eerie thrill.
Then I spied him in the coener huddled back amongst the peas, and I started in to holler- but he stopped me wiith a sneeze.
"It's so cold in here," he chattered, "Couldd you let me have a coat?"
Well, I shut that door right smartly. Wouldn't you have done it too, if a coot was in your freezer with his edges turnin blue?
When I told Aunt May about him, she replied, "WHY, THAT"S ABSURD !" (She's a little hard of hearing, so she shouted every word.)
"DON"T YOU THINK THAT I"DA NOTICED SOMETHIN LIKE A CHATTERIN GENT ?" (Well, I guess she maybe would've cept her eyesight's nearly spent.)
Wasn't long again I saw him (Aunt May sent me for some corn). He was shiverin by the ham bone, and his face looked so forlorn.
"Kin you soare a bite of somethin for to warm me up a touch? I'm so tired of eatin snow crab. Maybe chili beans or such?"
When I spoke of it to Auntie, she just squinted up her eyes (like I said, her vision's failin though she's hardy otherwise).
"WELL, I THINK THAT FREEZEER'S HAUNTED BY THE GHOSTS OF SUPPERS PAST, CAUSE I SOMETIMES HEAR FAINT WHISPERS.........." I was sorry now I asked.
"IT was a Friday night I reckon that I met him once again. I was off to fetch some taters from the garden produce bin.
Sure as shootin he was in there, icy-haired just like before, with a frost upon his eyebrows- well, I had to shut that door !
"Now you wait a goldarn minute," cried that greezer with a squeak. "I don't think that I kin take it not another blasted week."
I kinda froze a minute almost two - and then I spoke. "Whatchoo doin in our icebox? Where you from, and where's your folk?
Well, his eyes turned far and misty and a tear ran down his nose, where it made a little rainbow in the light, and then if froze.
" This a tale that's long in tellin," said that geezer with a sigh, "but I reckon I should tell it once or twice before I die.
"I was sent to fetch some vittles by the woman I adore, and I paused in here to ponder on the joys of sweet amour.
"But I tarried much too long here and I fear her love's grown old, and I reckon she's forgot me or she thinks my heart's turned cold.
"See, I met her in the springtime when the blush was on the rose, and we courted through the summer, sippin sodas nose to nose.
"In the fall we thought we'd marry at the church away in town, then we'd snuggle up together while the winter hunkered down.
"But we never saw the snowfall, nor in autumn did we wed.
I've been stuck here in this freezer !" were the words the old man said.
"I cain't budge one way or tother, I cain't even turn about. Guess I'm froze in here forever spect I'm never comin out"
I was quiet for a second, but I couldn't hold it in. That old laughin burbled upward first it started with a grin.
Then it burst right out with hiccups and I rolled upon the floor, and I giggled and I snorted till I couldn't laugh no more.
"Looky here, you silly geezer, at that switch there on your right. It's a self-defrostin freezer it'll do it overnight."
Then I pushed that button for him, and I went upstairs to sleep.
When I came back in the mornin there was water two feet deep.
And that frozen pop was sittin on the stove with eyes aglow, while my aunt May stood there squintin at her thawed-out Romeo.
"IS THAT YOU, MY FROSTBIT PUMPKIN? HOW I"VE MISSED MY DARLING MAN."
That old gent just sorta giggled, then he blushed and kissed her hand.
Now that codger is our lodger, and he's livin ' right downstairs in the room next to the furnace says he's done with Frigidaires.
You will never believe what I found in the freeezer. No, it wasn't the SUCCOTASHE. And it wasn't the BUTTER BRICKLE ICE CREAM. There's a GEEZER in our FREEZER !
by - Randall Wright
There's a geezer in our freezer and he's shiverin' fit to die, with his feet upon a rump roast and his elbow in a pie !
May someone put him in there just to keep him for a while, but it gives me crawly creepies cause he's frozen with a smile.
I was huntin' for some ice cream and I knew we had a stash right betwixt the Christmas turkey and the frozen corned-beef hash.
As I rummaged in that icebox I was taken with a chill, cause I sensed two eyes upon me and I felt an eerie thrill.
Then I spied him in the coener huddled back amongst the peas, and I started in to holler- but he stopped me wiith a sneeze.
"It's so cold in here," he chattered, "Couldd you let me have a coat?"
Well, I shut that door right smartly. Wouldn't you have done it too, if a coot was in your freezer with his edges turnin blue?
When I told Aunt May about him, she replied, "WHY, THAT"S ABSURD !" (She's a little hard of hearing, so she shouted every word.)
"DON"T YOU THINK THAT I"DA NOTICED SOMETHIN LIKE A CHATTERIN GENT ?" (Well, I guess she maybe would've cept her eyesight's nearly spent.)
Wasn't long again I saw him (Aunt May sent me for some corn). He was shiverin by the ham bone, and his face looked so forlorn.
"Kin you soare a bite of somethin for to warm me up a touch? I'm so tired of eatin snow crab. Maybe chili beans or such?"
When I spoke of it to Auntie, she just squinted up her eyes (like I said, her vision's failin though she's hardy otherwise).
"WELL, I THINK THAT FREEZEER'S HAUNTED BY THE GHOSTS OF SUPPERS PAST, CAUSE I SOMETIMES HEAR FAINT WHISPERS.........." I was sorry now I asked.
"IT was a Friday night I reckon that I met him once again. I was off to fetch some taters from the garden produce bin.
Sure as shootin he was in there, icy-haired just like before, with a frost upon his eyebrows- well, I had to shut that door !
"Now you wait a goldarn minute," cried that greezer with a squeak. "I don't think that I kin take it not another blasted week."
I kinda froze a minute almost two - and then I spoke. "Whatchoo doin in our icebox? Where you from, and where's your folk?
Well, his eyes turned far and misty and a tear ran down his nose, where it made a little rainbow in the light, and then if froze.
" This a tale that's long in tellin," said that geezer with a sigh, "but I reckon I should tell it once or twice before I die.
"I was sent to fetch some vittles by the woman I adore, and I paused in here to ponder on the joys of sweet amour.
"But I tarried much too long here and I fear her love's grown old, and I reckon she's forgot me or she thinks my heart's turned cold.
"See, I met her in the springtime when the blush was on the rose, and we courted through the summer, sippin sodas nose to nose.
"In the fall we thought we'd marry at the church away in town, then we'd snuggle up together while the winter hunkered down.
"But we never saw the snowfall, nor in autumn did we wed.
I've been stuck here in this freezer !" were the words the old man said.
"I cain't budge one way or tother, I cain't even turn about. Guess I'm froze in here forever spect I'm never comin out"
I was quiet for a second, but I couldn't hold it in. That old laughin burbled upward first it started with a grin.
Then it burst right out with hiccups and I rolled upon the floor, and I giggled and I snorted till I couldn't laugh no more.
"Looky here, you silly geezer, at that switch there on your right. It's a self-defrostin freezer it'll do it overnight."
Then I pushed that button for him, and I went upstairs to sleep.
When I came back in the mornin there was water two feet deep.
And that frozen pop was sittin on the stove with eyes aglow, while my aunt May stood there squintin at her thawed-out Romeo.
"IS THAT YOU, MY FROSTBIT PUMPKIN? HOW I"VE MISSED MY DARLING MAN."
That old gent just sorta giggled, then he blushed and kissed her hand.
Now that codger is our lodger, and he's livin ' right downstairs in the room next to the furnace says he's done with Frigidaires.
You will never believe what I found in the freeezer. No, it wasn't the SUCCOTASHE. And it wasn't the BUTTER BRICKLE ICE CREAM. There's a GEEZER in our FREEZER !
by - Randall Wright
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